Kmron

What follows is an extract from the 'writings' of the goblin druid known as Kneena. Scholars say 'writings' because the goblin language is varied at best, and the entire thing is as much extrapolated from Kneena's rough pictograms as directly translated. Still, we know enough about Goblin dialect to get this much. The scrawlings were copied down by an enterprising scout from a cliff face high in the Barbs. We thank him for his sacrifice.



'''And it so happened in the year of the Big Freeze that a stranger came to the Drunken Crow tribe, wrapped about in furs. He did yell and said that he had done much wanderin' and his feet were bleedin' sore and he did sit by the fire without so much as a by-your-leave. And the Crows were much angered by this, and did shriek and stomp and ask who he thought he was to be sittin' at their fire and eatin' their grub and actin' as if he owned the place. And the stranger did not move but said, “I am Blezed come again, and I will be warmin' my feet.” And that did shut them up, for they were confused and puzzled by his words. And one did come to the stranger and ask, “Who made you Blezed?” and he did answer, “Blezed did,” and this only made things worse. He pointed to the mountains and said “I have been journeyin' to the top of the world. I have been to Father's Spire, and there I met Blezed, and he said to me that the world has become soft and squishy. That I would come to his children and lead them to bring rage to the World Below, so that it might once again be growin' from the wreckage. And I asked him how I would do this, and he did smack me one, and gave me his Hazak Kadah1, that I might use it against the foes of Goblin Kind.” And there was much complainin' from the Crows around the fire, for the stranger looked nothin' like Blezed. All goblins knew that Blezed was as tall as five great goblins, and that his teeth were as long as swords, and his arms as thick as boar heads. But they did not argue, for they were also wary of the stranger, and wished to hedge their bets. So they fetched the biggest and meanest goblin they knew. And he was Ghutz the Grim, who broke a boulder between his teeth, and crushed Tzatak the Gory's head between his legs. And he did go to the stranger and say “You causin' trouble?” and the stranger did not answer. Ghutz asked him again, “You makin' a mess?”. Again, the stranger did not answer. Ghutz asked him a third, “What you doin', causin' an argument round here?” On the third time, the stranger turned around and cast a handful of the fire into the eyes of Ghutz, And there was much pain and flailing of arms, and Ghutz fell back. And the stranger stood over him, and removed his furs, and he was taller than any goblin, and his skin was as black as ashes. He put his foot upon the neck of Ghutz and said to him, “I am just warmin' up.” And all the Crows did kneel, for fear of gettin' their heads kicked in. And they did swear their blood to him, and so Kmron became new chief of the Drunken Crows.''



''And in time, Kmron became chief of all. The Burning Branches brought to him much fire and boomin', for they would put themselves behind anyone mean enough to smack Ghutz one, and they did kneel to Kmron. The Fat Yaks fought against him on their furry pets, but Kmron did crush them and ate their yaks for himself, and they did kneel to Kmron. The Barbed Swords, most numerous of all the tribes, who knew the ways of the Black Iron, did have their leader Mgzwel challenge him to fight. And there was much bitin' and scratchin' and gnashin' for two suns until Mgzwel rolled upon his back and gave up, and they did kneel to Kmron. And in time, Kmron came to Kneena, smartest and strongest and best lookin' of all the keepers of the Hazak. And he offered his head, and she did knock upon it three times with her rod and listen to the inside. And she said, “Sounds good to me,” and all knew that Kmron was Blezed come again, and that he had come to lead Goblin Kind to the World Below. And all tribes did come to him, and all the chiefs of the mountains placed upon him a hand with the colours of their tribe, that all may know that Kmron was the first of his kind. And Kmron stood upon the mountain and said “The World Below will shake and shiver, for the children of Blezed have come. And they shall bring boomin' and Black Iron, and walls will fall and homes will burn and the screams of our enemies will fill the air. We bring the chaos the World Below has forgot. And nothin's gonna stop us.” And there was cheerin' and jumpin' and gnashin' of teeth, and all looked to the valleys of ice, waitin' for the Big Freeze to end, and the World Below to open.”''



 1 A difficult concept to translate. 'Hazak' is a kind of spirit or soul possessed exclusively by goblins, according to their own beliefs. 'Hazak Kadar', loosely translated, means 'First Spirit'. 